last night, on the sidewalk,
i jogged by someone sprawled under a storefront awning.
i only glimpsed him for a second,
but he looked like the pure expression of suffering, of hell.
never before had i seen someone seem so crazed, so intensely broken.
everything filthy and mangled about him looked permanent.
at a different time in my life,
perhaps this wouldn't have wrecked me so.
but it did.
that is a human being,
i just kept repeating to myself.
a human being.
a family of which you are a member.
how are you willing
to let one of your own
if i don't bow and salute the life-force in you,
no matter who you are,
i am not sincerely recognizing and honoring it me.
what i am,
what i truly am,
is the rare recipient of energy that could
have gone anywhere but here.
when i see it in you,
i see my closest kin.
if i am brave enough to give myself unconditional love,
it doesn't mean i have defeated my fears.
but it does show who is stronger.
slowly i am coming to understand
the difference between
the inexpressible and the unexpressed.
the former leaves me speechless. amazed.
while the latter tricks me into believing i know the answer,
but without the words to prove it.
as i find little moments throughout my day
to let my mind sit still,
i see what a farce i've made of things.
i don't know the answer.
and i don't have the words.
yet what kinder friend is there
than one that teaches
to keep the question alive.