i mean, there is this girl who is always at the cafe i go to and she will literally sit there for like two hours, periodically nibbling at her oversized white chocolate macadamia nut cookie...ignoring it for 10 minutes here, forty minutes there. and when she's ready to leave, she'll simply reapply the saran wrap to it and place the cookie in her purse. did i mention this girl is 17! i mean, fuck me! a teenager has more self-discipline than i do? really? i mean, it's a bona fide miracle if i can simply make it from the cafe's counter to my table with at least one bite left of whatever piece of sugar-crack i just ordered. and, really, is there anything more pathetic than being that guy? the dude who walks to his table...not 15 seconds after ordering...a coffee in one hand, empty plate in the other...his face blanching from pink to red to fuck-head as tries to choke down the cinnamon roll he just inhaled. his eyes watering. his cheeks stretched out like a goddamn chipmunk's.
oh, and you should see me on the days i'm not on a diet.